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The Power of "OR": Supporting Your Toddler's Language Development
The first three years of a child's life are fundamental in shaping their communication and cognitive skills. Toddlers connect with their world, create social connections, and gain knowledge thanks to language. It enhances their ability to learn, think, and problem-solve, laying the groundwork for academic success and overall well-being. As parents, there are so many things you can do to support your little one’s language development! Offering choices, for example, is a popular strategy. It supports their understanding and use of language, as well as engagement, behavior, and independence.
How to Offer Choices
Hold up two items and ask, “Do you want the (__) or the (___)?” Bring attention to each item as you name it (hold it out further or give it a little shake). Wait to see if your child communicates which item they want. If they look, point, or reach to one, model the word. It’s okay if they don’t imitate you; give the item anyway while modeling the word again.
The Benefits of Offering Choices
Offering choices supports your child’s development in so many ways! By giving your child a choice, you foster understanding and use of language, engagement, behavior, and independence.
Understanding of Language: When you hold up two items for your child to see while offering choices, they begin to learn that the words you say are associated with the items you hold. Associating words and phrases with specific objects or actions helps them understand the meaning more effectively.
Use of Language: Giving choices exposes your child to various words and phrases related to those choices. This exposure broadens their vocabulary and provides them with a language model if they try to imitate you. Late talkers especially benefit from being given choices for this reason. They typically need to hear a word multiple times in meaningful contexts before they begin to say the word themselves.
Engagement: When children are given a choice, they become actively engaged in conversation. To express their preferences and thoughts, they are encouraged to use words or gestures to communicate effectively. Making choices involves back-and-forth communication which hones their overall language skills.
Behavior: Offering choices empowers children by giving them a sense of control and autonomy over their environment. This positive experience can motivate them to engage more in language and communication, as they see that their words have an impact. If your child has a hard time transitioning from one activity to another (switching from play time to bath time), giving a choice can help. For example, “Do you want mommy to carry you, or do you want to hop like a bunny to the bathroom?” Either way, they’re going to the bathroom, but they choose how to get there. The more choices they are given throughout the day, you’ll likely see less frustration from your little one.
Independence: As children become more familiar with making choices, they gain confidence in expressing their wants and needs. This builds their capacity for self-expression, which is essential for effective communication.
When You Can Offer Choices
Getting Dressed:
Clothing - “Do you want the cow shirt or the dinosaur shirt?”
Independence - “Do you want help or to do it by yourself?”
Meals/Snacks:
Food - “Do you want eggs or cereal?”
Drink - “Do you want milk or water?”
Utensils - “Do you want a pink plate or a blue plate?”
Play:
Toys - “Do you want a puzzle or the animals?”
Outside - “Do you want swings or the slide?”
TV:
Show - “Do you want Ms. Rachel or Bluey?”
Movies - “Do you want Toy Story or Luca?”
Books:
Book - “Do you want Llama Llama or Brown Bear?”
Holding book - “Do you want to hold the book or Mommy hold the book?”
Turning pages - “Do you want to turn pages or Mommy turn pages?”
Bath Time:
Toys - “Do you want the duck or the cups?”
Towel - “Do you want the blue towel or the green towel?”
PJs - “Do you want the soccer ball PJs or the animal PJs?”
Be Patient!
When offering choices to your child, it is important to give them time to process and respond. Rushing them or constantly repeating the choices may cause frustration and overwhelm. By waiting patiently for their response, you are giving them the opportunity to practice decision-making skills and express their preferences. If you give them a choice and your child doesn’t respond, slowly count to 8 in your head before asking again. If they still don’t respond, point to one of the choices to show your child that they can also point to what they want. Repeat your child’s choice (whether they communicate verbally or with a gesture) to reinforce the name (e.g., “Oh you want bubbles! Here are the bubbles. Let’s blow bubbles!”). By repeating their choice back to them, you are showing them that their communication is valued and understood. Implementing choices can be a powerful tool in promoting independence and positive behavior in your child.
Overcoming Challenges
Implementing choices with children can be highly beneficial, but it may also come with some common challenges for parents.
1. Resistance: Children might resist making a choice, especially if they are in a mood or situation where they don't want to cooperate. This can lead to power struggles and frustration. Acknowledge their feelings and make their choice as simple as possible.
2. Indecision: Some children may have difficulty making choices, leading to indecision. They might become overwhelmed with too many options or be unsure of their preferences, causing delays in decision-making. Present only two options to reduce the decision-making and hold the items as you name them to give your child a visual cue.
3. Preference for One Choice: Children may favor one choice over others. While this isn't necessarily a problem, it can be challenging if you want to introduce variety or encourage them to explore new options. Respect their preferences while occasionally introducing new options to expand their horizons.
4. Lack of Patience: Parents may become impatient if the child takes a long time to make a choice, leading to the temptation to make choices for the child instead of waiting for them. Offering a choice may not be beneficial when you’re in a rush to get out the door. Only offer choices when you have time to support your child to respond.
5. Limited Choices: Parents may struggle to provide choices when the options are limited due to time constraints or safety concerns, making it difficult to implement this approach consistently. Even with limited choices, try to offer small choices when appropriate. Something as simple as “Do you want a hug or kiss?” can support this skill.
6. Overwhelm with Too Many Choices: Offering too many choices throughout the day can overwhelm a child. Parents must strike a balance between providing options and not inundating the child with too many decisions. When first introducing this strategy, pick one routine where you’ll give your child a choice (e.g., dressing, snack time, etc.). Make sure it’s a positive routine so that you’ll get positive results. If your child does not like bedtime, that may not be the best routine to start with.
7. Consistency: Consistency in offering choices can be a challenge for parents, especially during busy or stressful periods. It's important to maintain the practice regularly for it to be effective. Make offering choices a consistent part of a routine.
8. Learning Curve: Implementing choices effectively can take time, and parents may need to learn how to adapt the approach to their child's personality and developmental stage. Be open to learning from your child’s responses and adjusting your approach based on their reactions and preferences. Seek support from professionals if needed.
Ultimately, the key is to create a positive and supportive environment for your child to make choices, respecting their autonomy while maintaining necessary boundaries. By addressing these challenges with patience and understanding, you can help your child develop decision-making skills and boost their confidence and independence.
In the journey of nurturing your child's language development and fostering their independence, offering choices is a powerful tool you can use daily. The benefits are vast, as it not only supports your child's understanding and use of language but also enhances their engagement, behavior, and independence. By giving your child the opportunity to make choices, you're equipping them with vital life skills that will serve them well throughout their development.
As parents, you play a central role in shaping your child's language and cognitive abilities during their crucial early years. Embracing the practice of offering choices in your daily routines can be transformative for both you and your child. It's a simple yet effective strategy that empowers your child, encourages positive behavior, and enriches their vocabulary and understanding of language.
Now that you've learned the immense benefits of offering choices, it's time to put this strategy into practice. As you engage with your child in everyday activities, remember to give them opportunities to make simple decisions. Whether it's choosing their outfit for the day, their snack, or their preferred book, each choice contributes to their growth and development.
Be patient, flexible, and consistent in your approach. Understand that challenges may arise, but with persistence and a nurturing attitude, you'll see your child flourish as they gain independence, language skills, and self-confidence. By empowering your child through choices, you're not only enriching their present but also shaping a brighter future. Start today and witness the positive impact on your child's development.
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